Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
