hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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