i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You smell like stripper and shame
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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