dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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