There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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