So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
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vagina is talking i cant
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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