Got a toothbrush?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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