nut hugger
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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