It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
