The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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