Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
