Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
