I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
