Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't deserve a penis
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
