What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
