if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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