you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
