this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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