That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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