Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
