you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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