So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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