I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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