R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
