I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
