so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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