I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
