3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
