So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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