Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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