out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
