OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
