dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
