We won't sleep together?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
