No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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