I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
