I want to make a zoo with you.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
