Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The air taste purple.
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