need another drink. this is the easiest way
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
