i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
