Do you still have your period?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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