I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
