i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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