I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
