I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
