trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
