so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
