I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
