Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
