I need help removing her.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
