he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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