I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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