You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
