remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
thus making me awesome and them whores
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
