i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
