I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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