I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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