we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
