hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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