Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
