Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
