she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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