isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
