Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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