I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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