yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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