i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
