Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
