I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
