I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
