had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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