Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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