you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
