I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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