i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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