I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
vagina is talking i cant
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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