That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
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If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
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If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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