I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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