i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
