I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
