bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
