I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
