I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
