he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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