May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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