People in love make me want to vomit
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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