Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize