why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
