WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
